So a while back, I decided to take that love language quiz everyone had been talking about. These quizzes may not always be accurate but they are fun and sometimes they make you see yourself in a new light. This one is about my love language in relationships.
Interpreting and Using Your Profile Score:
The highest score indicates your primary love language – how you really understand your partner’s expressions of love. It’s common to have two high scores (the highest score being 12), although one language tends to have a slight edge for most people. The lower scores in your profile indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you on an emotional level in your relationship.
8 Quality Time
7 Acts of Service
7 Physical Touch
4 Receiving Gifts
4 Words of Affirmation
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
Understand Your Love Language
Knowing how you prefer to be loved is important for your relationship. It’s romantic to think your partner should just know how to love you—but it’s also a bit unrealistic, and can even be unfair to expect something from your partner if you’re not willing to tell him/her how you prefer to be loved and appreciated in your relationship.
How accurate is all of this? Honestly I am a bit surprised at the order of my scores. Okay, so the quiz was very accurate about my desire for quality time. I need it to function in a relationship. Without it I feel used and unimportant. That leads to hurt and anger. And then…well, I become very defensive and not so nice to the one who made me feel this way. Adding sex to the mix just magnifies those feelings. Be it for the short or long term, I am not a booty call. On a side note, it really isn’t okay for me to mask pain with anger, even if not on purpose, but that’s a post for another day.
I was surprised to find acts of service so high up on the list. I am aware of the tendency to want to do things for someone I have feelings for, but I never really thought about how it makes me feel when that person wants to do things for me. It is much appreciated but then I usually end up feeling guilty for accepting the offer to help lighten the load of responsibilities. Yeah, I know, that doesn’t make sense. Women and girls in my family were taught to be independent and self-sufficient, never to be damsels in distress, to not need a partner to do anything we were capable of doing ourselves. Perhaps that is why I see acts of service as a nice gesture as opposed to an expression of love when I am on the receiving end. But my views are changing now. If a submissive can show love with acts of service, why would the meaning change should the Dominant choose to do the same? Oh and for the record, broken commitments really do hurt me. However, that translates more as quality time rather than acts of service to me. That’s why I try not to make promises I cannot keep.
Physical touch is exactly where it should be on that list. I am a very touchy-feely person. There is nothing like big hands, strong arms, warm hugs, skin to skin contact without the expectation of sex…although that is always a plus.
I am not too sure where I stand on the idea of receiving gifts. Thoughtful gestures mean much more to me than flashy material items. Missed birthdays or holidays do sadden me but I wouldn’t call it disastrous. Although it does melt my heart to be acknowledged on special days because it lets me know that I am cared for. I just don’t want to be forgotten about. If I do receive a small material item, I cherish it because I am a bit sentimental at times. Words of affirmation aren’t usually a big deal to me. People say a lot of things…and I am not one to trust words alone. TELL ME AND SHOW ME so that I will understand.
At times it can be difficult to find the balance between personal desires and what is best for the relationship. But I think it is fair to say that most of the time one’s partner wants what’s best for them and for the relationship. While I feel it is important to let my partner know my love language, I would never want to do it in a way that belittles them. I wouldn’t want to hurt them or start a fight. I want to love my partner in a way they understand, whether or not they take the survey. If we speak completely different love languages, I feel it is my responsibility to intentionally find ways to speak their love language consistently. Now, this is where the golden rule comes in to play. Unless I am told different, I will assume that the love shown me is probably how my partner wants to be loved.
Love Language Quiz for Couples: